I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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