I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
two words...techno handjob
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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