I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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