she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
