Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
