Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
