i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pants are for mortals
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
