I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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