I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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