How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
