you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
