kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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