Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
