Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
