I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
