a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
