omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
