I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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