Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
