I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
