i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
