There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
