Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
