So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
