I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were trust falling into bushes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
