I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
