and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
