Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
