i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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