Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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