We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize