from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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