I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
