Pants 0. Shit 1.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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