I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
Heās 21. The president of his frat. Iām 28 and have a career!
Do it. Itās a noble position.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What part of āthe stripper has a gun, we need to leaveā is confusing you? Sheās drunk, sheās fucking crazy and NOW SHEāS PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
