and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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