When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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