Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
