Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
