well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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