well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
