you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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