i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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