all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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