apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
