Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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