before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
