I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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