break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
