I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize