I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
