we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize