You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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