i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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