k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
