I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
