I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
