I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize