I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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