Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
