Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
